An Open Letter Regarding Girls Play (GP_TV)
To whomever it may concern,
I first came on the GP (girls play) in July of 2017; Maddie invited me on as a guest. My first few interactions with GP were just between Maddie and I, as well as the online community I was interacting with. I found it to be a great environment. Maddie spoke very highly of all the people on the channel and I was eager to work with others who were as interested in gaming as I was. For the next few months I streamed with Maddie as her friend and her guest. Eventually I started to bug her about whether or not GP was looking for me people. She told me she would start talking to her manager and the other girls about the idea. She told me some of the girls were going to be leaving soon so there was a possible opening.
Eventually I got the chance to meet more of the girls as I started to be a more active guest. I spent most of time streaming with Maddie or Sydney or a combination of both. I started to include myself more and was asked to film some videos for YouTube and sign up for days I was available to come in and stream. At some point I also started to come to group meetings and such. In the early days of this Alex always offered to give me at very least gas money, if not a little more to compensate the time and work I was putting into the channel. I told them that they didn’t have to pay me; that I was just enjoying hanging out and meeting people and playing games, but they told me not to worry about it.
There was one day at the studio I came in to stream with Sydney and was asked to come in early as they wanted to film something. When I got there, they asked me to pick out two costumes we had at the studio because they wanted to film me dancing to a song and use it as a donation alert. I was taken very much by surprise by this request. I didn’t love any of the costumes we had at the studio and wished I had known before hand, so I could have brought in something of my own that I felt more comfortable in. Sydney and Mariyah were doing a great job helping me feel better about the situation. Joking around with me and dancing with me, telling me to do whatever made me feel best. At some point during this Cori walked into the room and stood there watching me. She told me to give her my sexiest look and dance. I didn’t move. She told me that I should wear something sluttier as it would make more money for the channel. She left the room after that.
In the week the followed Sydney texted me to let me know that what we filmed didn’t work out, and they wanted me to reshoot it. This is when I let her know how I had felt taken off guard with the first shoot. She apologized and told me I didn’t have to do the reshoot if I didn’t want to. She told me if there was ever a moment in GP that I felt uncomfortable or didn’t want to do something I was asked to do I should always speak up. That GP was a safe space and they hoped to never have me feel that way again. I was told I could always speak freely and my voice would be heard. Hearing this from Syd was very important to me. I didn’t want to feel like I was going to be apart of something that made me do anything or act in ways that made me unhappy and uncomfortable. I wanted to know that I would always be in control of what I did and that is something that has been very true for me here.
I was at the group meeting when we got Nae’s text that she was leaving GP. She texted us all saying that she wouldn’t be showing up that day and ultimately, she was leaving. She said that the stress of school and life was all that she could handle and didn’t want the pressure of GP anymore. She said she wouldn’t come in to do a live goodbye but if we wanted she would come in to film a YouTube goodbye. Not wanting to add more to her plate and knowing she was already stressed we told her that filming something wasn’t necessary, as in if she didn’t want to we were not going to make her. Her text was very adamant in the fact that she no longer wanted to be involved. We talked about what the change would look like and moved on. I had expected her to get back to us on weather or not she wanted to do the video and we all waited for her to announce on social media she had left (just like previous girls before her). It didn’t ever feel like it was our place to tell people without hear from her, and we wanted to make sure her leaving was done in the way she wanted. We never heard back.
This started a very hard time in GP. It started to feel like everything we did got backlash. That we couldn’t continue to run and do the things we always had without harsh judgement a criticism. I felt like I had to watch what I was doing at all times. I wanted to play a certain game, we got criticism. I wore wigs or costumes that had been in the studio since I had started 5 months prior and we got backlash. Videos were made about us. We were called nasty things on the internet. Things were hard. Meetings focused a lot on damage control and how to protect what we had. It was a low for sure. No one wanted to go live anymore, and we were all mentally tired.
Alex and Syd proposed the idea to go dark for a few weeks. Part of the idea was to show people that we had been hurt by everything going on. It was also a way for us to be able to step back and clear our heads. We needed to get past all the negativity. I am so glad we took that time, and for the most part, it helped.
Unfortunately, the break wasn’t spent as we had all hoped. About a week into our break we received two-week notices from both Cori and Kenzie. We were informed that not only were they going to be leaving GP, but they were going to be starting their own channel in which they would be streaming together. This was breaking a contract that all the girls of GP run under. I was in the same room with Cori when she and I both read it over, signed it, and turned it in. This contract was something that we had all talked about and become familiar with over the last 6 months due to other girls who also left the channel.
Breaking the contract wasn’t our main point of concern; almost immediately we started constructing a new contract that would fit both parties needs and find compromise. The focus of concern was the studio we had just finished assembling in Cori’s home and a photo shoot the two of them had done just days before they quit. The studio had been set up as a second streaming space for the channel to use, and they were now going to keep it and use everything to stream on their own channel. While negotiating new contract agreements we told them we wanted to be payed back for both expenses since they were going to be used for their own projects and we would no longer be able to use them. Finances had already been tight for us, and we knew the two of them leaving was going to make it harder. We spent the next two weeks meeting and communicating trying to craft a new agreement that would work for both parties.
On our first meeting I gave them copies of the original contracts to keep for their records, as well as a full break down of expenses owed to GP. Prior to the two of them arriving Alex, Syd, and I had gone over these and made sure everyone had a clear understanding and agreed that what was on paper was correct. Syd and the girls continued to have email conversations, crafting the new contract agreement. A copy of the final draft was sent to everyone in GP and agreed on before both parties came to an agreement. GP never received the money that Kenz and Cori agreed to pay at the end of the three-month contract.
Working with Kenz was always difficult in my experience. She wasn’t keen on the idea of working together or collaborating, which is largely how GP runs. Often when things were proposed or talked about she would respond with, “I’m not going to do that,” or “That’s fucking stupid”. Streaming with her was also challenging. From the moment I met her it felt like she had a wall up. The more we worked and streamed together the more I tried to get her to warm up to me with no prevail. Often when we would play games she would tell me to stop talking to our chat so she could hear the game. I was always made to feel as if I was in her way. She also, at times, talked about our community very negatively. Most days that I streamed with Kenz I came home upset, and more often than not feeling unwanted and unwelcome.
My relationship with Cori was a bit better. She was much more active in trying to include people and create things. I got the feeling from her she didn’t really like me, but over time we bonded, and I truly think we were becoming friends. Like I have previously stated she sometimes said things that made me uncomfortable and pushed boundaries for me. I remember there was a day I came in to stream with her and she had decided we were going to play a game where we would be taking shots all night. She informed me of this 15mins before we were supposed to start streaming. Not only did I work early the next day, but I had driven to work. When I brought this up to her she merely laughed and brushed off my concern. I spent the night taking shots of water.
I won’t say that either of them ever made me do anything I didn’t want to do but I will say that when they had their mind set on something nothing could change that. I often just adjusted myself to work into what they wanted. The group always felt very torn before they left, and since their departure things have run much more smoothly. We all get along better, and I do believe we are working well in creating and doing more. It often seemed as if they weren’t interested in working with others, which would make sense with their decision to leave. Finances have taken a hard hit since all this has gone down, but we are pushing through all the same.
I can say that none of us wanted to take legal action against Cori and Kenz. When they told us they wanted to leave the channel it was a shock, but we would never want to force them to stay. We weren’t angry at them for leaving. We wished they would have told us sooner and talked to us as friends. Kenz told us she was unhappy and that she had been for a while. I want her to be happy. We all do. Breaking their contracts to stream wasn’t what was important to us, though we did ask them to wait a month for us to recover and get back on our feet. Offering them a month compared to a year wait that was stated in the contract seemed reasonable. We also asked them to not work with the people who, in the past, had caused problems for us and talked poorly about us on multiple platforms for their first three months. They had told us they wanted to leave on good terms and possibly continue to work together, and that as well as the expenses owed was our only major requirement.
Regarding the current members and those involved in GP.
From my understanding Sydney is the “owner” of GP; by this I mean that the business itself is legally under her name. When I came onto the channel it was always clear that we were a group, and that no one person was more important than another. Sydney works as both a streamer, editor, and as I said before “owner”. I will often go to her when I have a question or concern, have a new idea about something, or need advice. Sydney is a wonderful person. She is compassionate, and cares so much about GP. It is easy to say that Syd loves this place with her whole heart. I turn to her because she never shoots down an idea, she works with you to figure out what is and isn’t possible and how we can accomplish what we want to do. Anytime I have struggled with workload, problems within work or home, and everything in between she has greeted me with open ears. She is ALWAYS willing to take time for me and help in any way she can. I work a full-time job outside of GP and Syd has always been accepting of what I can and cannot do for the channel. She reminds me to take time for myself and always reassures me that it is ok when I cannot make things work. She is great at running GP. She is almost always positive and has her mind set on what is best for both GP and everyone involved.
Alex acts as a lot of components of GP. He serves as the IT, business manager, financial advisor, etc. for the channel. If we didn’t want Alex, we wouldn’t have him here. He takes on a lot of the work. The real nitty gritty work that honestly, no one really wants to do. He works behind the scenes to keep us running so we can continue to do what we love, relatively stress free. I don’t think we could continue to run without him. I will say, when I first started and Maddie told me about Alex I was nervous. The idea of a man behind the curtain “running” a girls group channel did sound odd. I voiced this a little bit to her and she reassured me that Alex was a really great guy, a good friend, and knew how to run a business more than most of the girls. Knowing Alex now it feels almost foolish that I had felt that way originally.
I am comfortable talking to him about work and personal matters. He and my husband are friends. Even with my nervousness around men I know I can be comfortable with him at all times. Not once has he pushed any boundaries or acted inappropriate with me. I can be alone with him and feel safe. I trust him. Alex is a good man and I never want to think that he is anything more than a great human. It hurts to see people, especially people who have never even met him, slander his name. It’s not ok. He does so much for so many of us, past and present, and deserves more than that.
Not once has Alex made me uncomfortable; quite the contrary he often checks in with me to make sure I am comfortable, happy, and doing okay. He tells me all the time I work to hard. He is great at taking on tasks and helping plan anything from the small to the big. He has taught me everything I have needed to know about streaming, YouTube videos, working the computer and systems, and has always told me if I want to learn more to let him know. He has told me he will teach me more about running the business if I would like and has also told me I can be more hands on with the financial side if I wanted; both of which I have declined. I trust him. I trust him to handle GP, and I know if anything started happening that I didn’t like I could talk to him and together we would find solutions, considering the other girls as well.
The other girls of GP are equally amazing and kind. I can honestly say that I love each of them and consider them some of my closest friends. They have helped me in so many ways; from becoming better at my job to being there for me through some very hard family problems. I love working with them. There is almost never a day I don’t want to come to work. I know that I can talk to them and approach them with ideas or concerns and I would be welcomed. We all work well together, and it is easy to say that we all care deeply for this place. In everything we do we are trying to work together to make GP the best it can be. It’s not to say that there aren’t moments where we bicker or disagree. We are not perfect; it’s part of being human. I am so proud of the team we have and the work that we have put into GP in the last few months. The attitude of the place has changed. There is so much love and kindness. I am so happy with what we have. I always have been; but I can say for certain we are now a stronger team. I love this place and I will continue to fight for what we have both for the people who have worked hard to make this place the way it is and the people who continue to support us.
Belladina (Bells) of Girls Play